That Feeling of Uncertainty



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The feeling of uncertainty is crawling once again. I'm not sure if I will be able to make it through. It's not easy every time I wake up. I don't know what should I do anymore. Maybe I have to just try my best to have it all better somehow.


The problem is, I don't even know if I can really make it through every day of my life. I don't have a house of my own and I have to pay for the rent and the bills. I don't even know if writing will be enough to support me and the girls anymore. But I have to keep on fighting. 




Change of Plans


I need to change the plans again in order to keep ongoing. Since my online business which is the buying and selling of gadgets is no longer operating, I need to focus more on writing. 


However, the problem with it is the clients do not have as many requests as before. It means that I have to write about anything just to get by. I can't be choosy right now or we will end up not having anything. 


My laptop gave up on me as well. So I have to use my smartphone first and raise some funds to buy at least a tablet so that I can easily work with my writing. 




The Move


I have to work on moving to another place again. Maybe find a cheaper place to make sure that I can afford it.   I can just consume the deposit so that I will have time to save up for the move.


It's a good thing that I'm a local digital nomad. I can move places whenever I have to. The problem is, I don't really know where to move. Maybe I can just wait until the broken laptop is sold from Facebook. 


But I have to move next month so that I can live in a more affordable location. Even if I wanted to go far, I don't think I can do that since the situation is not normal like it was before. 



The Pandemic


The pandemic makes it harder to live our lives. I'm already living a tough life before this. But now, it's getting harder to keep up. But I know all I need to do is to keep on working. 


Money still plays an important role in survival. Whoever did that it doesn't matter these days is plainly ignorant. We still need to eat and pay our bills. Especially when lockdowns are being implemented. We need to stock up on some food supplies.


2020 is not really a bad year for me. Actually, it's way better before the pandemic strikes. Before, I had to sleep while starving. But now, I'm able to eat enough meals again. I also have a better apartment but it looks like it's not a good place to be.



Luck


I believe in luck and if you're living in a lucky house, shit can happen. It's all very true for me since I always get bad luck along the way. But we have to keep on trying to do our best to make sure that things will turn out better. 


The problem is, I can't settle down because of this. How can I even stay in one place? When something bad happens, I have to move so that we can have a fresh start. I'm living differently compared to other people. But it's how I roll.



Conclusion 


In the end, I have to still decide what's best for us. Being a single mother is not an easy ordeal. Plus the pandemic makes it to build a better life for us. But somehow, this uncertainty will pass and all that's left will be my willingness to survive no matter what!



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